P89X … Shit. 89 is Terrifying.

Hello day two and my millions of blog readers! Just finished Cardio X this morning which includes (too much) yoga, kickboxing and something that main muscular dude calls Kenpo (sp?) cardio. The workout opened up with a bunch of nice, relaxing stretching but then immediately jumped right into those damn downward dogs and warrior poses. Sure, the moves might look easy on Wii Fit, but yoga freaking hurts. After that we moved into a block of ball kicks, jabs, hooks and beyond. Kind of like Tae-Bo but I didn’t feel as embarrassed doing it. One of the things I like about these videos is that there are moves in them I’ve never tried, like the “Posing Heisman” and the “Squat Xpress.” Don’t get me wrong, getting the logistics correct is tough, but I appreciate not knowing exactly what is coming next. However, there aren’t 90 different videos, so once I start repeating workouts I’ll start getting crabby which I’m sure will be reflected annoyingly in this blog. Look forward to that!

For me, the smartest way to exercise is just to get the shit done in the morning. That way, I can’t talk myself out of it all day while I work, run errands or stuff my face with Beach Clubs from Jimmy Johns. Plus, it gives me more energy, but also makes me sore. My butt today feels like an ultimate fighter was using my ass as a punching bag for an hour and I can’t bring my arms up all the way over my head. The P90X guy keeps promising that will change. We shall see.

Today I’ll be going to purchase some weights and/or resistance bands which I actually didn’t have available for yesterday’s workout. That means that I’ll be burning MORE calories next time and there will also be a higher chance that I’ll pass out and resort to a stationary fetal position for the remainder of the morning.

It should be noted that P90X suggests that when starting the program, participants stick to a high-protein, low-carb diet, and that makes me sad. But, I’ve stuck to it thus far (a day and a quarter of a day) so clearly there is no looking back now. If you have any ideas for yummy carnivorous recipes or hobbies I could take up to keep me from daydreaming about Velveeta Shells and Cheese, please send them my way. It’s not gonna be easy on my own.

In closing out my day two blog, my only other request to you is song suggestions other than “Eye of the Tiger” that I played this morning upon waking, which I’m sure pissed some people off. And, come on, Vicki, it’s sooooo cliche.

P90X: From Fat Ass to Bad Ass? Fingers Crossed.

Today marks the first day of my P90Xperiment … which is basically a test to see if I can survive the sweat-inducing, muscle-exhausting and back-breaking excerise regimen that is P90X. If you’re unfamiliar with the program, here’s a quick intro: over a span of 90 days, through a course of about a dozen different physically straining excerise videos, P90X is supposed to take my ab flab to fab and my jiggly to more giggity-giggity. I know going into this that there isn’t a good chance I will make it through the first week (given my tendencies for making excuses) but I felt like this blog would help keep me accountable and motor up my motivation.

My first trick going into this mess was to use a smart strategy: get out of bed, go to the computer and put on an “ass-kicking pump-up motivational song.” Given ALL the choices I had for this tune (any song from the Rocky soundtrack, “Eye of the Tiger,” etc) it was probably a mistake to blare “The Final Countdown” on day one. Oh well. Live and learn.

So I started the tape that the program suggested for day one, titled “Core Synergistics.” In my opinion, a more appropriate title would be “Hey Pussy, You Can’t do Push-Ups.” I plugged ahead, did everything that the guy said, but in a weaker, more pissed off way. And even when the main dude is all “It’s ok if you can’t do as many reps,” or “Go at your own pace,” I still feel like a big weiner whack when I fall over during the table leg raise and grunt loudly for the Superman/Banana portion, which is not a superhero sex move. I did manage to finish the entire tape, but as I gasped and wheezed, I worried about my ability to go through with this entire experiement. But we’ll see. As a waitress and bartender, at work today I already felt the destructive aftermath of the morning’s sweatfest. I was a bit shaky carrying a tray and my abdominals were pretty livid with me. Nothing I couldn’t handle though. I need to talk myself out of the pain on day one.

To further my persistence in this endeavor, I’ve decided to title each blog post, (occurring daily until I give up) with the decreasing day of the program. That means tomorrow will be P89X, hopefully followed by a witty subtitle. Following days will countdown concurrently until I miraculously arrive at P0X. I welcome suggestions, comments, questions and jabs at my physical appearance (in the form of constructive criticism.) Tomorrow I’ll wake up to the joy of video number two, called Cardio X. Bring it.